The Fork in the Road

Well, when we started down the road for this second adoption, I thought I knew the path we were going to take. It was all laid out in front of us. We would go through the home study and put in our paperwork to adopt a little one, age about 1 year old, from China through the China Special Needs program. The path was fairly straight and much easier to navigate than the path to Russia. So much less paperwork and silly stuff to get through. Then we met with Christine.

Our first visit with Christine, our social worker, went really well. It was so nice to see her again after 4 years. She came on Feb 22, 4 years plus one day from the day we brought Colby home. I love those coincidences. It seems, we are starting this adoption from right where we left off with the first one. So, we were all set, right?

During our visit, Christine asked what program we wanted to pursue and why. She listened and agreed that China SN would be a good fit. Then she created our fork in the road. "Why not look into the domestic program?" What?? Really?? That never seemed like it would fit us. We don't want an open adoption with contact from the birth family. We thought, no, I thought, it would be a long wait and I just don't like to wait. Yes, Mom, I'm still as impatient as ever! So we talked about it with Christine and later between Mike and me. I called Mary, the head of the domestic program at the agency, and talked with her while I was home for yet another snow day. What she said had me really thinking. Maybe it was possible for us to bring home a baby. Maybe?? So, more discussion and a conference call with the three of us and I think Mike and I have made a decision. We are taking that fork in the road, for now, and seeing where it leads us. We are going to apply to the domestic program and wait it out for a little while. We decided to apply and see where we are in late summer. If no referral by then, then we will apply for the China SN program and have both options open. Whichever comes our way first, is what was meant to be.

Can I say this has been an easy decision? No. Is it one I am comfortable with? Yes. Am I happy about it? Yes. Am I truly at peace with it? No. I just can't seem to dismiss all the previous experience with domestic adoptions and the long waits and heartaches. I am not sure what has changed with domestic adoption but something has. It is, I am told, more straightforward and the "it" program right now. Our agency has a good record of placing, or helping to place, 40 children last year. I think I will always worry until that final paper is signed and we bring our baby home. But then again, I am a worrier and not all that optimistic. But, I am happy with our decision and willing to walk hand in hand with my love and our family to see where this next adoption rollercoaster brings us.

So for now, this blog will be on hold. I will be starting a domestic adoption blog soon. Please join us on our adventure and lend us your support. It is always appreciated.

Domestic or China....Social Worker Has Us Thinking

We had areally nice visit with Christine, our social worker. It was nice to see her again. I still can't quite believe we are back on the adoption rollercoaster. Christine was here last Friday. She was scheduled to come on that Saturday but there was a threat of snow so she rescheduled it for Friday night. We talked for almost two hours. She will be coming again at the end of March to actually start the paperwork to get accepted for the China program.

While she was here she asked us which program we were looking at and we said the China Special Needs program. She wants us to think about the domestic program. I guess there is a need for families in that program. But, I am just not sure. I would love to adopt a newborn and the thought of that is very appealing, but we just do not want an open adoption with our child having contact with the birth family. It just wouldn't be fair to Colby who will never have that. I wouldn't mind sending photos through an agency without any identifying info but not a full open adoption. So, that really limits our availability and we would be waiting for a birth mother to like our family portfolio. There wouldn't be a set time frame and there would be a whole lot of unknowns. I just don't think it would fit our family's needs. But I will touch base with Mary who heads up that program and see what she thinks. Maybe I am being too harsh and too quick to dismiss this. I just don't see us as that "lucky" couple who falls into a quick and easy adoption process. More likely, we'd be the family who waits forever and does finally get a match only to have the whole thing fall through and us left standing empty handed in a hospita somewhere. What do you all think? Any experience and words of wisdom?

Thus far, the paperwork has been so easy. I am amazed at the huge difference between this paperwork and what we did for Russia. I'm still waiting for someone to give me a list a mile long of documents that they need tomorrow! But the dossier list of docs looks really small and I could probably get them done within a couple days. So, we wait for the homestudy to be written and we enjoy our days, waiting for Spring to arrive. With Spring...the arrival of new things and new possibilities. Here's to shooting toward dossier being complete for Colby's birthday end of April...